Compassion

The Key to Effecting Change in the Workplace is Practicing Mindfulness

05/18/2018 by Barry Leave a Comment

If you’re unhappy with the culture of your workplace or the general level of professional behavior in your office, there is no better way to initiate the change than to start with yourself and consistently be the best version of yourself each and every day.

In my opinion, the only way to effect change is to first become the change.

When you bring your inner monk to work, you show up as the same person you are when you’re on the meditation cushion. I realize that just by possessing a positive outlook and modeling positive behavior isn’t often enough to bring about changes in others, but as a Buddhist practitioner, it’s the place you must start. [Read more…]

A Real Life Example of Compassionate-Kindness in Action

02/12/2018 by Barry Leave a Comment

This morning I awoke and made coffee. That’s not unusual. In fact, you might call it a ritual. Hmmm. Definitely a habit that I have no intention of breaking.

Anyway, if I’m alone, I usually use the time between pour-over pours to catch up on social media posts or read the latest New York Times and Los Angeles Times headlines. If Karen is in town, I wait until the coffee is finished and after I bring it back to the bedroom on a tray, we chat and sip our coffee while checking into the online world.

I’m often greeted by Facebook posts from my youngest son Jay, who lives here in Irvine with me. Since he’s a musician/singer/lyricist, his posts are usually about hardcore bands or upcoming shows he wants to attend.

Every now and then I’ll read a post that really gets my attention. The post below is the one I was greeted with this morning. [Read more…]

When Things Fall Apart, Part 2

03/19/2017 by Barry Leave a Comment

Sometimes, things do fall apart. pc: unsplash.com

In a post from 2016, I wrote about how our lives can, do, and will continue to fall apart.

In that post I wrote the following:

In our lives, things fall apart: We lose jobs, we lose housing, we lose people we love. In those times, we feel lost as well. We feel tossed here and there and long for a soft place to land. We are but blades of grass blowing in the wind.

Almost two months ago my father died due to complications of pulmonary fibrosis (PF). PF is a disease of whereby the lungs, normally elastic and compliant, become increasingly fibrous and non-compliant making the gas exchange in the small air sacs (alveoli) minimal and results in excessive fatigue and shortness of breath..more like a continual panting.

For nearly six months my dad failed to meet the criteria for supplemental oxygen therapy and when he finally did, it was nearly too late. He lasted four additional months with his oxygen tanks following him around when we left the house and a long tube connected to a concentrator while at home.

As he faltered, I became angrier

[Read more…]

Long Time Gone: Thoughts on Falling Out of Love With Your Path

08/07/2016 by Barry

We can always come back to ourselves and our path.

“Me, I heard a different song… I hit the road… and boy, I been a long time gone.” ~The Dixie Chicks, Home

One of the first lessons I learned in walking this path of Practical Buddhism is that everything is in a continual state of change. Our bodies, our minds, our feeling, thoughts, and emotions are in continual flux. It’s part of our human experience. Nothing stays the same…ever.

One can’t escape this feeling of being in the vortex of change every now and then. It’s inevitable and it happens to us all at times. It’s like one day we’re fervent in our practice and the next we’re waning like an Autumn moon.

When this occurs in my life, I encounter periods of, what I call, falling out of love with my path. It’s insidious and at first, I stop meditating for any number of reasons. I start rationalizing the lack of practice and then I feel my sense of compassion fall away. When that happens I feel guilty, I’m harder toward others, and I return to less than best version of myself…and then…

Then I’m a long time gone.

It can happen to anyone

[Read more…]

We Aren’t Anything Unless We Are Compassionate

02/07/2016 by Barry

We aren’t anything unless we’re compassionate.

I used to have a boss who was known for a using a certain phrase. Whenever she’d announce a sudden change in plans, she’d say:

“And since we aren’t anything unless we’re flexible…” and then she’d announce the change.

In my life as a Practical Buddhist, I’ve come to know that my chief trait as a practitioner is compassion. I think that we’re all imbued with a few traits that our practice tends to elevate. Like grapes being elevated to wine, these traits are lifted into a greater significance.

Compassion is the Root of All Goodness

Compassion, the movement of the heart when confronted with the suffering of others, is a tell-tale sign that we are oriented toward alleviating the suffering of others. When I see social injustice, corrupt politicians running for office who are willing to say anything to gain the advantage, I am moved with compassion for those that will suffer as a result. When I hear a child cry, no matter where I am, I look around for the source of the sound and immediately I’m in a search and rescue mode.

Compassion, as I describe it in my book, The Practical Buddhist, is a gift:

Compassion is the gift of an honest heart full of love and acceptance.

When one is closed-off, biased, or non-accepting of the whole, he/she cannot engage in compassionate kindness.

Compassionate kindness is shown in speech, attitude, action, and intention as we survey the Eight-fold Path. When you encounter someone who practices compassionate kindness, you are moved by them. There is something different about them though you may not be able to pinpoint what it is.

I’d characterize His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, St. Francis of Assisi, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Richard Dawkins, and my youngest son as examples of those in touch with compassionate kindness. Practicing compassionate kindness is a choice anyone can make, but not everyone does.

I don’t witness compassionate kindness very often. More often kindness is conditional. But compassionate kindness is the fruit of an open heart. It’s the by-product of inclusive acceptance of all.

Show me someone who is closed or narrow-minded and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t engage in compassionate kindness.

Compassionate kindness is the fullest expression of one living as a Practical Buddhist. It’s the result of learning to master the present moment via meditation and the coming back to the present moment via mindfulness.

Compassion Without Kindness is False

As a Practical Buddhist living in the United States of America, I am disgusted and appalled at the positions of the conservative GOP party’s candidates who are running for President. I have to think that deep within they have some rudimentary form of compassion in their cold, steel hearts. But at each opportunity to exercise their sense of compassion with kindness, they fail miserably.

Republican politicians aren’t the only professions that fail to link compassion with kindness, though they are the standard bearers. I’ve worked with people in the business community who didn’t seem to have a shred of compassion within unless acting on it benefits them in some way. They remain immune to any thoughts of kindness toward others. In my experience, power does corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Thoughts on Linking Compassion with Kindness

How do you practice compassionate kindness?

Short Answer

In every moment possible.

Explanation

Compassionate kindness is a two-fold activity. As I mentioned earlier, compassion is the internal commitment while kindness is the external expression of the commitment to compassion.

Many people of faith practice compassionate kindness as well; it’s not as though Buddhists have the market cornered. It’s a great way to live, but it takes practice.

Personal Experience

I’ve always been able to notice when others are in pain, are suffering, or are unhappy. Some call this being an empath; I think I’m just an emotionally oriented person. Regardless, it’s a part of who I am and how I’m wired. I see this same quality in my children, especially in my sons Benjamin and Justin.

I think it’s the reason, in part anyway, why I’m drawn to those in emotional, financial, or social need. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember.

If I choose to ignore this part of me, I cease to be compassionate and cannot express kindness. However, if I engage in the other person’s need and act upon it, the way to the expression of kindness is opened.

3 Lessons I learned from Venturing Outside my Comfort Zone

01/31/2016 by Barry

With only one bag, I hit the road.

Since January 12th I’ve been on the road, traveling, visiting family, and living in ways that are outside my comfort zone. In brief, I’m taking three weeks to travel across the US and back and this post is about the three lessons I’ve learned thus far living outside my comfort zone.

As a bit of a catch up since I last posted, I’m currently living in San Jose, California and the southern end of the San Francisco Bay Area. I moved there from the coast in May 2015 to take care of my aging parents who are both in their mid-eighties and in failing health.

After eight months of full-time assisted living duty and part-time writing and consulting, I figured it was time for a bit of a break. I embarked on my journey two weeks ago and I started writing this post in Enid, Oklahoma where my son-in-law is stationed at Vance Air Force Base at the Flight Training Wing. There were turboprop planes and jets taking off and landing most of the time. It was pretty awesome. He’s training as a USAF pilot and it was very cool being so close to the aircraft.

The week prior to Oklahoma I was in South Carolina visiting one of my three sons and his family. We built a playground for his young children braving the light snow flurries in the process. Now I’m in Denver, Colorado visiting friends.

As the journey has progressed, I’ve become aware of three lessons about living outside of my comfort zone.

With only one bag, I hit the road.

Lesson 1 – I Can’t Meditate Anywhere

I decided to take the train for a change of pace. As a consultant, I fly a lot for business and for this three-week journey, the train seemed like a needed change of pace.

I booked a sleeper car, or a roomette as they’re called on Amtrak, for the five days and three trains that it would take to get from SF to Chicago to Charlottesville. VA and finally off at Clemson, SC.

But ‘sleeping car’ is a misnomer and they should be called ‘anything but’ sleeping cars. Sleep wasn’t possible for me and over the five days I was on the train, I had difficulty maintaining my meditation practice.

It improved at my son’s house but was impeded at my daughter’s home, largely because they were in temporary lodging facilities and we were pretty cramped.

I thought that I’d be able to meditate anywhere, but I was wrong. Instead of forcing it, I gently acknowledged the difficulty in the situation and moved on knowing that the next day might be better.

I’ve noticed for some time now that other Buddhist bloggers have expressed frustration and disappointment when their practice is disrupted. To me, this is falling victim to the snares of self-induced suffering. The Buddha taught his followers to remain unattached to preconceived outcomes, knowing that this very attachment was what invited suffering.

However, even in difficult situations like what I described over the past weeks when my practices have been altered, I’ve found that I suffer much less when I gently acknowledge the difficulty and move on – just as I do when thoughts arise during meditation.

Life is far too short and precious to invite needless suffering.

Lesson 2 – Service to Others Can Fill the Void

One of 17 goals for 2016 is to help someone every day. I learned that while my meditation practice was altered, remaining open to serving others eased the disappointment. Each day that I am open to serving others I am presented with multiple opportunities to help, to comfort those who are in pain, to hug someone grieving the loss of a loved one, to touch another in kindness, to carry groceries for a woman with four kids, to waltz with crying babies, etc.

Each of these opportunities to serve others arose over the last three weeks. I am grateful beyond words for them.

They allowed me to exercise compassionate-kindness, one of three simple practices that characterize Practical Buddhism. They form the triad of my lifestyle and when one is lacking, I find that I attract opportunities to practice the other two.

Lesson 3 – My Tattoos Opened Opportunities for Conversation

My right arm is a work of art in progress. I refer to it as ‘the dharma sleeve project.’ It’s kind of funny, I’m now 58 and I didn’t have any ink until I was 55. In the three years since my first one, I’ve added four additional tattoos, three of them as part of ‘the dharma sleeve project.’

Here are a few photos of it thus far. You can click on each photo to see a larger image.

While on the train, especially in the dining car where I took my meals, my tattoos invoked a common reaction in all but a few passengers. Most of the passengers were couples in their 50s, 60s, and 70s. Most didn’t have any visible ink. Since I wear nothing but short sleeve black merino wool t-shirts, my ink is always visible.

In each encounter, I noted an initial staring at the ink followed by visual eye contact with me. Knowing how I used to do the same thing, I safely assumed they were ‘sizing me up’ or judging me in the context of my ink. It doesn’t bother me at all, in fact, I enjoy watching the reactions.

On the train, you usually don’t pick your dining partners. All seating is at the discretion of the dining car attendant. That means I was usually seated with the same people who reacted to my ink from afar. But people are people and all of the folks with whom I shared a meal left the encounter knowing I was a genuine, caring, and compassionate person.

The tattoos were always the initiator of conversation. I shared what each meant to me, which led to me sharing about my profession as a writer and author in the process that led to other conversations and soon the ink was forgotten. In a matter of a few minutes I was no longer a stranger with tattoos, but a new friend with an interesting story.

The Value of Living Outside Your Comfort Zone

Forcing ourselves to live outside our comfort zone can teach us many lessons. When we live outside the environment that provides us with comfort and predictability we are forced to take life as we experience it. We don’t always have a warning about people we meet or the events that will occur.

Our comfort zones insulate us from the real world. It’s good to get out beyond our insular borders and see what life throws at us. The uncomfortable nature of living outside our comfort zone can be made less so by remaining flexible, unattached to anticipated outcomes, and extending kindness to all we meet.

If You Want to Smoke, then Smoke; If You Want to Drink, then Drink. Who am I to Judge?

06/26/2015 by Barry

This post is about honoring the personal freedom of individual choice, whether or not you personally approve of that choice. The Buddha taught that judgment was an unskilled action to take and therefore resulted in negative karma.

Are you willing to choose negative consequences just to make a point?

Smoke ’em If You Got ’em

You lead a stressful life. You don’t have many vices, but the one activity you enjoy on occasion is smoking a cigarette. You were never a habitual smoker, something you’re personally glad about, but you still like to occasionally smoke a cigarette or two. You’re careful not to light up when children are about and always give others a wide berth.

Does it risk a negative impression of Buddhism if a non-Buddhist sees you smoking? Is this a burden you should even accept? How many false impressions can you personally be responsible for while walking your path?

Barkeep? Another, Please…

It’s Friday night and you’re so happy it’s the weekend you could dance a jig in the middle of the street. You’ve made plans to meet up with some friends at a favorite bar, then get a bite to eat before heading to the new club that just opened up.

You’re most likely going to drink more than you should and probably should not risk driving. Knowing this you opt for public transportation to get to the bar and rely on an appointed designated driver for the rest of the night’s safe transportation.

As an observer, does this plan invoke a since of judgement in you? Does having this plan in place make the behavior of planned drinking make the behavior less objectionable or do you still object to the individuals’ personal choice?

The Real Issue is Bias

The real issue here isn’t smoking or drinking. It has to do with allowing the behavior of another to invoke a sense of judgement within ourselves about their chosen behavior. What if the situations I described involved fancy dinners and decadent desserts? Would the choice to eat these treats make us feel the same sense of righteousness and judgment? Most likely, not. Most of us don’t have the same biases toward desserts that we have toward cigarettes or Bourbon.

The real issue at play is bias. While one person sees smoking as evil incarnated, another sees it as a personal behavior that can be moderated for the safety of non-smokers nearby. While one person sees drinking alcohol as a weakness or a crutch, another sees it as an activity that promotes harmony and laughter.

It’s our biases that result in a reaction of judgement.

My Bias Against ‘Big Religion’

I have a bias again Big Religion (BR). I own it and it’s my issue. It stems from the personal experiences of being rejected by those within the religious system when I decided to leave the tribe. It was so pronounced, that a church Pastor actually told me that “I needed to start acting like a Christian” if I wanted his help in mediating a difficult situation between me and my ex-wife and her husband. (I tell the complete story in the book.)

I’m also opposed to enforcing a belief system on young children before they have the intellectual capacity to evaluate truth and make decisions for themselves about intellectual issues that will shape the rest of their lives.

Over the years, I allowed this bias to affect me in a number of ways. I became very judgmental about those individuals who opted for membership in BR. My opposition to BR was such that I was so public in my opposition that I allowed it to affect my personal relationships with one of my sons and my daughter who chose a life within BR.

I’ve come to a place now that I can see how my personal bias again BR resulted in behavior on my part that led to this distance. I’ve begun making amends for my bias with both of my children and, though they choose to remain within BR, I can now respect this as a personal choice. Even though I don’t agree with their choice, I no longer descend into a judgmental reaction.

Choosing to Examine Our Biases

Biases are the result of societal factors such as family, culture, nationalism, and economics. I’m not naive enough to think we can change our biases as easy as we change our clothes, but as Practical Buddhists, we can choose to examine our biases and come to an informed decision as to whether or not they contribute to a compassionate outlook or one of judgment.

In my experience, judgment leads to suffering. Perhaps the questions we should ask in relation to our biases is two-fold:

Does this bias lead me to be compassionate or judgmental?
Does this bias lead to suffering or liberation from suffering?

The answers aren’t always easy. In my case, my biases against BR are a mixed bag. On one hand they led to less suffering and more personal freedom within the Dharma, but on the other hand, they led me to exercise judgmental behavior. The results of our inquiry and examination don’t always lead to clear results and we have to inquire further and examine more deeply.

Back to the Smoke and Drink

Does smoking an occasional cigarette and enjoying a Bourbon make you more compassionate or judgmental? Does seeing a same-sex couple kiss in public make you more compassionate or judgmental?

That’s for you to evaluate, sit with, and decide. You can also leave a comment on social media if you have a reaction you’d like to share.

Compassionate-Kindness in the 21st Century

05/16/2015 by Barry

Compassion and kindness are inextricably linked; One cannot exist alone. They are like two sides of a single coin within the currency of life.

If love can be defined as life’s economy, then compassionate kindness is the currency of such a life.

In my book, The Practical Buddhist, I have this to say about compassionate kindness:

Compassionate-kindness is a two-fold expression. Compassion is a general attitude one adopts toward all sentient beings, toward nature, even toward one’s surroundings. It is largely dependent on an internal commitment to kindness.

Kindness is the external expression of compassion. It’s a decision to extend one’s highest sense of self as we interact with those around us.

Recent experiences with compassionate-kindness

I spent this past week in Denver, Colorado on a consulting assignment for a client. I make my living as a technical proposal consultant to construction firms pursuing large infrastructructure and transportation-related projects. I arrived on Sunday evening and worked about 80 hours in five days.

The work is intense and when I travel it usually includes very long hours filled with clashing egos and decisions that can impact hundreds of millions of dollars in potential revenue. This week was no different and I worked with a team of dedicated and willing participants.

Yesterday it ended with the multi-volume proposal being published, packed in four boxes, and delivered to the owner/agency requesting the proposal. By the end of the week, I was mentally and physically exhausted. It’s par for the course in my line of work.

Reenacting ‘The Terminal’

I agreed to drop off a valued colleague at the airport well in advance of my own return flight to save him the hassle and expense of a 45-minute taxi ride. This placed me at Denver International Airport nine hours earlier than I needed to be there. I figured I needed the downtime anyway and since my plans to visit a Denver-based friend didn’t work out, the airport seemed like a good place to spend the day.

It was like a scene out of the Tom Hanks film, The Terminal. I was a foreigner in a foreign land (so to speak), trapped for nine hours in an airport I didn’t know very well. Although I had options at my disposal, I still felt trapped, unable to adapt to my surroundings and relax. I really wanted to break out a yoga mat and stretch but I didn’t.

I overestimated how tired I was and the toll the work week had taken. I found it very difficult to relax at all. I had a couple of nice meals but in busy airport restaurants. I visited a wine bar for two glasses of a really refreshing cabernet, but even that wasn’t enough to calm the unease I felt inside.

It wasn’t until I boarded the plane back to San Jose, California that the full impact of the week hit me. I became fidgety and felt like I had a bad case of restless leg syndrome; my left leg kept jumping and twitching. The cramped environment of the 737-700 didn’t help much.

At one point during the descent into San Jose, I became aware of a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into the face of one of the flight attendants who was obviously concerned about me.

Are you alright, Sir” she asked?

Yes, I’m fine. It’s been a really long week and I’m having trouble relaxing,” I said.

For the next few minutes, I thought about this brief exchange and how it so kind of her to express compassion for a total stranger. When we landed I made it a point to thank her for her kindness as I exited the plane onto the ramp. She reached out and grasped my arm in another supportive gesture and told me I was more than welcome.

Compassionate-kindness in action. It’s not hard to express and a little can go a long way in helping another person ease their suffering.

The ‘I’ in Team

While in Denver I also experienced the reverse of compassionate-kindness. In the working environment I mentioned earlier, there were times when not all team members worked together. To use a sports analogy, imagine what would happen if a football team showed up and half of one team decided just not to play according to the established rules?

Teams are only effective if all players agree to the same rules. The actions by such players stem from heightened identification with ego. Over-identification with a false sense of separateness (ego) creates an environment where individuals feel the need to mark their territory and erect boundaries where none should exist. Such actions are the opposite of compassionate kindness.

Getting in touch with compassionate-kindness

In my morning meditation, I take some time to cultivate compassion. I meditate on the sense of openness compassion creates and feel the warmth of that commitment spread throughout my heart-mind.

Sometimes called loving-kindness, compassionate-kindness can be the balm for the injurious nature of our self-judgments.

The practice of mindfulness brings to light many of our self-identified faults and negatives but cultivating compassionate-kindness first begins with ourselves. Adopting an attitude of compassion toward ourselves is the foundation for expressing kindness to others.

A plan for today

Here is a small action plan or recipe for cultivating compassionate-kindness. It helps me remain mindful of how important compassion is in our day-to-day life.

~ First, be kind to yourself; it’s okay to be human and possess faults; you’re a work in progress
~ Second, feel how good it feels to be kind to yourself; imagine how it would feel to another
~ Third, make it a point to express compassionate kindness to someone today; whether it’s a family member or a total stranger, touch someone’s life in a small way today with a hand on a shoulder or even donating to the homeless person you see each day
~ Fourth, rinse and repeat daily

Only 3 Things Matter

04/30/2015 by Barry

For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about a dear friend who is dying. She is someone who means a great deal to me and I’m finding it difficult to reconcile her inevitable passing with my commitment to stay in the present.

I realize that she is living her reality and though, at times, I wish she didn’t have to leave in this way, I am faced with the same reality. We are all faced with the reality that we will, one unknown day, cease to breathe and our physical body will no longer be sustained.

The difference is that she knows her time is near. But she’s not the only one. I have another friend who works in the arena of providing support to family affected by cancer, and in most instances, a terminal diagnosis.

In truth, there are hundreds of thousands of people on the planet facing imminent death. It’s a depressing realization, but one that is nonetheless a fact.

Only 3 things matter

The Buddha is reported to have said that only three things matter:

How much you loved
How gently you lived
How gracefully you let go of things not meant for you

My friend is one who gives love freely to those around her. I am better for having received a small portion of her love. She is one who lives very gently and treads upon the earth, not with demonstrable purpose but, with gentle humility. She isn’t a Buddhist, but she’s learned to let go of many things in recent months.

Taking a self-inventory

If I am to honor my friend’s life in any way that comes close to the authenticity with which she has lived hers, I’m convinced I need to evaluate my commitment and progress in each of these areas.

How much do you love? I know that I am a loving person, but I also know that I can be more patient, open, and accepting of all I encounter.

How gently do you live? It’s been said that gentleness is a brick covered in velvet. The strength of their core being makes possible the gentleness of Thich Nhat Hanh, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and those who have come before us. It is this strength of core that I want to cultivate in order to continually exercise the degree of gentleness the world needs.

How gracefully do you let go things not meant for you? In my current situation, I’ve recently moved from a sleepy little beach town to Silicon Valley. There is a certain amount of bustle in the city that I wasn’t used to on the coast. However, in the process of moving, I discarded, recycled, and sold approximately 90 percent of my belongings. I feel this has opened the way for me to display more gentleness as I’m no longer distracted by so much psychic and physical baggage.

As for my friend

I love her
I want to live as gently as she
I will let her go when the times comes

How to Avoid Getting Caught Up in Your Own Inner Drama

10/09/2014 by Barry

At it’s most basic level, suffering is the inner drama we create

It’s the worry, fretting, commiserating, needless emoting, regret, fantasy, and fixation on things that aren’t real. It’s not that we’re in the habit of creating imaginary worlds but, …actually… that is exactly what we do.

Which imaginary world describes you?

Entrepreneurial uncertainty

If you’re self-employed or a freelancer like I used to be, then you’re usually working in a solitary environment from a home office or, on a warm sunny day, from a coffee shop near your home. You dream of traveling the country or the world doing what you do, but the financials haven’t worked out that way just yet. What’s worse is that you feel your enterprise is invisible.

If you could just get a handle on the stress, you feel you’d be fine. O yeah, a regular cash flow would be nice, too. Recently you’ve noticed that your writing is suffering and more often than not, you’re feeling depressed because the stresses of business are greater than you anticipated when you quit a job to find freedom. Freedom…if only.

Chaotic parenting

You didn’t plan on little Johnny getting a cold and missing school today. You have so many things to do before your in-laws arrive and Johnny being at home, while it’s obviously the best place for him, is getting in the way of you making the house perfect before your mother-in-law shows up.

Johnny just wants to be near you and needs your tenderness. But that’s hard to do when you need to clean two bathrooms, vacuum the carpets, do the laundry that been piling up, and dust all the places you-know-who’s going to be inspecting. Plus, your partner isn’t that helpful even when he/she is around. Yep, it’s all up to you…again.

Stressed-out student

Pulling an all-nighter for the Econ exam wasn’t the brightest idea you’ve had. Neither was the double espresso you had on your way to class. You’d like to be taking better care of yourself, managing your time more efficiently and relying less on these debilitating all-night cram sessions.

You feel a lot of pressure from your parents who are literally investing all their savings into your education. You feel like you won’t ever measure up to their expectations. And the kids in your classes…it all seems so easy for them. You’re sure that they didn’t stay up all night cramming for this exam while downing 5 Hour Energy drinks. You find yourself staring into the bathroom mirror wondering who you’ve become and is it who you want to be. You’re not even 25 but a midlife crisis seems inevitable.

Did one or two of these descriptions sound familiar? All of them felt familiar to me. I’ve been in each of these situations, feeling the same feelings, and experiencing the same level of stress and unrelenting pressure. I wish someone would invent a vaccine for that.

Immunizing yourself against inner drama

While a clinical vaccine or immunization against inner drama hasn’t been invented, a mental one is readily available. The treatment room is anywhere you can find a small space to sit, breathe, and watch your mind. Meditation, when applied on a regular basis, is the perfect antidote to the toxic effects of inner drama.

When I meditate on a daily basis, I see how my mind works through various circumstances. I see how its habitual modes of response are sometimes harmful to me and to others. I can see this because I’m getting used to watching my thoughts and my mind when I sit for 20 minutes each day on my meditation cushion.

Regular meditation is a private reality show featuring your mind in the starring role. Sitting quietly and watching this reality show is not only educational, but it can be a bit embarrassing at times as we peer into our own inner drama.

Equally dangerous are the inwardly dramatic responses to what we observe: “Did I really act that way?” “OMG, how could I have said that?” “I thought I was better than that.”

Compassion is the treatment for inner drama

Humans are just as interesting as any other creature that lives. We often think of our species as highly evolved. But it only takes a few instances like what I described above to realize that we’re not much higher on the evolutionary tree than our animal friends when it comes to inner drama. In fact, I’d postulate that most animals and mammals never engage in self-criticism. Ah, the benefits of a forebrain, eh?

The key to watching your mind without getting caught up in a further inner drama is compassion. Compassion is kindness in action. Being kind to yourself while watching your mind is a uniquely human ability. Try approaching each meditation session with compassion for yourself, for your humanity and see how that feels.

If you find that you begin to react with something like, “Barry, you really are an idiot” or, “I am such a weasel,” just observe that it happened, smile, and keep watching and breathing.

The more you meditate, the more compassion you will feel

I think that our most highly evolved human quality is compassion. The extension of compassion is a gift of kindness. Extending compassion to others is often easier than extending it toward ourselves.

But this supreme test of humanity, the ability to treat yourself with compassion, is the greatest gift you can give yourself and it will keep you from getting caught up in needless inner drama.