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A Real Life Example of Compassionate-Kindness in Action

02/12/2018 by Barry Leave a Comment

This morning I awoke and made coffee. That’s not unusual. In fact, you might call it a ritual. Hmmm. Definitely a habit that I have no intention of breaking.

Anyway, if I’m alone, I usually use the time between pour-over pours to catch up on social media posts or read the latest New York Times and Los Angeles Times headlines. If Karen is in town, I wait until the coffee is finished and after I bring it back to the bedroom on a tray, we chat and sip our coffee while checking into the online world.

I’m often greeted by Facebook posts from my youngest son Jay, who lives here in Irvine with me. Since he’s a musician/singer/lyricist, his posts are usually about hardcore bands or upcoming shows he wants to attend.

Every now and then I’ll read a post that really gets my attention. The post below is the one I was greeted with this morning. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Awakening, Compassion, Kindness, Practical Buddhism

Compassionate-Kindness in the 21st Century

05/16/2015 by Barry

Compassion and kindness are inextricably linked; One cannot exist alone. They are like two sides of a single coin within the currency of life.

If love can be defined as life’s economy, then compassionate kindness is the currency of such a life.

In my book, The Practical Buddhist, I have this to say about compassionate kindness:

Compassionate-kindness is a two-fold expression. Compassion is a general attitude one adopts toward all sentient beings, toward nature, even toward one’s surroundings. It is largely dependent on an internal commitment to kindness.

Kindness is the external expression of compassion. It’s a decision to extend one’s highest sense of self as we interact with those around us.

Recent experiences with compassionate-kindness

I spent this past week in Denver, Colorado on a consulting assignment for a client. I make my living as a technical proposal consultant to construction firms pursuing large infrastructructure and transportation-related projects. I arrived on Sunday evening and worked about 80 hours in five days.

The work is intense and when I travel it usually includes very long hours filled with clashing egos and decisions that can impact hundreds of millions of dollars in potential revenue. This week was no different and I worked with a team of dedicated and willing participants.

Yesterday it ended with the multi-volume proposal being published, packed in four boxes, and delivered to the owner/agency requesting the proposal. By the end of the week, I was mentally and physically exhausted. It’s par for the course in my line of work.

Reenacting ‘The Terminal’

I agreed to drop off a valued colleague at the airport well in advance of my own return flight to save him the hassle and expense of a 45-minute taxi ride. This placed me at Denver International Airport nine hours earlier than I needed to be there. I figured I needed the downtime anyway and since my plans to visit a Denver-based friend didn’t work out, the airport seemed like a good place to spend the day.

It was like a scene out of the Tom Hanks film, The Terminal. I was a foreigner in a foreign land (so to speak), trapped for nine hours in an airport I didn’t know very well.  Although I had options at my disposal, I still felt trapped, unable to adapt to my surroundings and relax. I really wanted to break out a yoga mat and stretch but I didn’t.

I overestimated how tired I was and the toll the work week had taken. I found it very difficult to relax at all. I had a couple of nice meals but in busy airport restaurants. I visited a wine bar for two glasses of a really refreshing cabernet, but even that wasn’t enough to calm the unease I felt inside.

It wasn’t until I boarded the plane back to San Jose, California that the full impact of the week hit me.  I became fidgety and felt like I had a bad case of restless leg syndrome; my left leg kept jumping and twitching. The cramped environment of the 737-700 didn’t help much.

At one point during the descent into San Jose, I became aware of a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into the face of one of the flight attendants who was obviously concerned about me.

Are you alright, Sir” she asked?

Yes, I’m fine. It’s been a really long week and I’m having trouble relaxing,” I said.

For the next few minutes, I thought about this brief exchange and how it so kind of her to express compassion for a total stranger. When we landed I made it a point to thank her for her kindness as I exited the plane onto the ramp. She reached out and grasped my arm in another supportive gesture and told me I was more than welcome.

Compassionate-kindness in action. It’s not hard to express and a little can go a long way in helping another person ease their suffering.

The ‘I’ in Team

While in Denver I also experienced the reverse of compassionate-kindness. In the working environment I mentioned earlier, there were times when not all team members worked together. To use a sports analogy, imagine what would happen if a football team showed up and half of one team decided just not to play according to the established rules?

Teams are only effective if all players agree to the same rules. The actions by such players stem from heightened identification with ego. Over-identification with a false sense of separateness (ego) creates an environment where individuals feel the need to mark their territory and erect boundaries where none should exist. Such actions are the opposite of compassionate kindness.

Getting in touch with compassionate-kindness

In my morning meditation, I take some time to cultivate compassion. I meditate on the sense of openness compassion creates and feel the warmth of that commitment spread throughout my heart-mind.

Sometimes called loving-kindness, compassionate-kindness can be the balm for the injurious nature of our self-judgments.

The practice of mindfulness brings to light many of our self-identified faults and negatives but cultivating compassionate-kindness first begins with ourselves. Adopting an attitude of compassion toward ourselves is the foundation for expressing kindness to others.

A plan for today

Here is a small action plan or recipe for cultivating compassionate-kindness. It helps me remain mindful of how important compassion is in our day-to-day life.

  • ~ First, be kind to yourself; it’s okay to be human and possess faults; you’re a work in progress
  • ~ Second, feel how good it feels to be kind to yourself; imagine how it would feel to another
  • ~ Third, make it a point to express compassionate kindness to someone today; whether it’s a family member or a total stranger, touch someone’s life in a small way today with a hand on a shoulder or even donating to the homeless person you see each day
  • ~ Fourth, rinse and repeat daily

Filed Under: Awakening, Compassion, Enlightenment, Kindness Tagged With: kindness

How a Little Boy’s Wish Turned the City of SF into Superheroes Full of Compassion

11/16/2013 by Barry

The Power of Compassion

Yesterday five-year-old Miles Scott, a leukemia survivor, got his wish via the Make A Wish Foundation to play the caped crusader alongside Batman fighting crime and locking up bad guys for an entire day.

The entire city of San Francisco got into the act of expressing their heartfelt compassion by making this childhood dream a reality for Miles.

The video below is guaranteed to bring a tear to your eyes but it will also arouse your sense of compassion. Watch and embrace the compassion that wells up in you. Then express your compassion by paying it forward in an act of kindness today.

Be the superhero the world needs you to be.  😎

Filed Under: Awakening, Compassion, Kindness, Life

How I Moved On

10/29/2013 by Barry Leave a Comment

Coastal CattailsRelationships, like everything else in life, are as fleeting as the morning fog and unless we are aware of this, moving on can be a traumatic experience and one filled with suffering.

Like you, I enjoy many relationships with friends, co-workers, family, and others, each presenting different types of experiences

Two years is a long time

I’ve recently decided to move on from a relationship that ended two years ago. When I say ended, I mean it came to a close, but not for me. She was finished, but, alas, I wasn’t.

It’s been a rough two years getting to the point of moving on because of the intensity of my feelings for her. Those feelings prevented me from attaching to anyone else and kept me in a perpetual state of false hope.

I was allowing myself an apportioned daily serving of regret and suffering.

I eventually asked myself the following questions and noted my heart-felt responses:

  • Is this situation (relationship), as it currently exists, serving me? No.
  • Is it realistic to think this will change? No.
  • What is the appropriate response at this time? Mourn the loss of the relationship and be grateful for how it enriched my life.
  • What’s the next step? Realize I am whole and complete by myself.

As I write this post, I am not sad. I am content with my solitude and know that should another relationship be in my experience, I will be better equipped. I think the song by Rascal Flatts puts it appropriately.

I’ve been burdened with blame; trapped in the past for too long.

I’m movin’ on….I’m movin’ on.

Filed Under: Attachment, Awakening, Kindness, Life, Meaning

Feeling Compassion, Being Kind

09/16/2013 by Barry Leave a Comment

His Holiness the Dalai Lama says:

“This is my simple religion. My religion is kindness.”

What does it mean to practice compassionate kindness?

Compassion is the gift of an honest heart full of love and acceptance.

When one is closed-off, biased, or non-accepting of the whole, they cannot engage in compassionate kindness.

Compassionate kindness is shown in speech, attitude, action, and intention as we survey the Eight-fold Path. When you encounter someone who practices compassionate kindness, you can’t help but be moved by their presence. There is something different about them though you might not be able to pinpoint what it is.

I’d characterize His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, St. Francis of Assisi, Deepak Chopra, and even my youngest son as examples of those with compassionate kindness playing a dominant role in their lives.

Practicing compassionate kindness is a choice anyone can make

I support the position that compassionate kindness is rare. More often, in my experience, kindness is conditional. But compassionate kindness is the fruit of an open heart. It’s the by-product of inclusive acceptance of all.

Show me someone who is closed rather than open-minded and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t engage in compassionate kindness.

Compassionate kindness is the fullest expression of one living as a Practical Buddhist. It’s the result of learning to master the present moment via meditation and the coming back to the present moment via mindfulness.

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Filed Under: Compassion, Enlightenment, Kindness, Practice

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