zen-journal.com ~the zen of being a monk @work

Zen-Journal.com

Your Workday Doesn’t Have To Feel Like You’re Living a Scene from ‘The Shining’

// Leave a Comment

REDRUM, REDRUM…

OK, that’s a bit dramatic…(if you’ve seen the film or read the novel, you get it), but life working around Type-A folks can certainly evoke some really strong reactions.

Anger, feeling hurt, annoyance and other forms of upset are examples often how we choose to respond to various stimuli at work and maybe even at home, on the freeway, or around our kids.

It’s almost as if we possess a negative-reflex-thinking mode that becomes our go-to response, triggered over and over again each day.

Unfortunately, this leads to increased stress levels, a dumping of stress hormones in our bloodstream, and ultimately to disease states like hypertension and heartburn.

That’s an unhealthy way to live. [Read more…]

From Whom Should You Learn Meditation?

// Leave a Comment

“I’m thirsty, but I guess I should wait for an aquatic scientist before drinking.”

There is no need to wait

Searching for a certified, aquatic scientist before making the decision to drink water is ludicrous, right? I mean, who in their right mind would even think of that?

Yet that’s exactly what some trained and certified (by their tradition) meditation teachers advise new meditators. Frankly, I think that’s a load of crap and it promotes further division along sectarian lines. Yes, I understand that Buddhist meditation isn’t something that anyone can teach, but let’s be realistic, sitting in silence, focusing on your breath, and learning to be with yourself isn’t rocket science.

The argument seems to be that non-certified meditation teachers can’t take a student deeply into their meditation journey and, therefore, might omit the finer points that a traditionally-trained meditation teacher would be equipped to teach.

So, respectfully, I get that, but again, we’re not talking brain surgery here. Ok, we are kind of talking about a brain-changing experience, here is where I think that logic breaks down. [Read more…]

When Things Fall Apart, Part 1

// Leave a Comment

Pema Chodron, one of my Buddhist heroes and author of When Things Fall Apart

I wrote this post back in August 2014. I reread it recently and thought it still had lessons to teach me, and perhaps you as well.

Things do fall apart

In our lives, things fall apart: We lose jobs, we lose housing, we lose people we love. In those times, we feel lost as well. We feel that we are tossed here and there and long for a soft place to land. We are but blades of grass blowing in the wind.

Life has a way of showing us who’s boss and, as if we needed to be reminded, it isn’t us. 

Often our first response to this type of stress is to grip ever tighter and attempt to control our immediate surroundings. But this is rarely a strategy that results in an end to the free fall nor does it create the soft landing we seek.

Freefall gives way to uncertainty

When I lost my job in December of last year, I was shocked into the reality of uncertainty. I was uncertain of what to feel, who to blame, and where to go next.

It took several months to get used to the idea that I was no longer a member of the highly functioning team I’d created and built over the last eight years. It felt as if I’d stepped out of a plane and was plummeting rapidly toward the earth without a parachute.

Gradually, however, the initial sensation of impending doom gave way, not to comfort, but the realization that uncertainty wouldn’t kill me. It might be very uncomfortable for a while, but I would survive.

It’s been nine months since the day my position and that of my entire team was eliminated and I still feel the uncertainty, but with less intensity. I can’t say that I’m used to the idea of being unemployed, but I’ve been fortunate to transition to consulting, marketing the same skills to a wider audience.

Feeling alone and adrift

When our lives fall apart, we often feel isolated and alone. We tend to retreat from our usual social encounters causing friends to worry about us and nervously adopt a habit of checking in on us to see that we’re eating and not drinking too much.

We fool ourselves into thinking we are, indeed, alone and isolated. We may dip into the pool of self-pity on occasion, telling ourselves that being a bit miserable is part of the process.

Isolation is always a self-imposed reality. No one forces us to withdraw, to retreat from our circle of friends, or to become a hermit. We choose this. It might be a source of comfort for a while, but it doesn’t last.

Uncertainty gives way to being

For me, the feeling of uncertainty that followed the period of free fall immediately after my job fell apart, eventually led me to a place where I chose consciously being instead of cloistered isolation.

I opted to strengthen my meditation practice by purchasing a zafu and zabuton. I chose to create a period of the day that was always allocated to meditation and reflection. I chose to walk more and even get a new, and personally significant tattoo. Making these choices helped me take action and move forward.

When things fall apart in our lives, we slow down and lose our forward momentum. Making a conscious choice to move forward helps us grow out of the uncertainty into a state of mindfulness, consciously choosing to be fully present again.

Things will continue to fall apart

If I know anything it’s that nothing is permanent. Everything is in flux and is ever-changing. My current state of being mindful of my new reality could change tomorrow.

One of the lessons that I see my youngest son needs to learn is this very point. He views change as unwelcome and detrimental. He wishes things would stabilize and remain the same. But you and I know that this is folly. Things will continue to change, to evolve, and at times fall apart.

The key to surviving and growing from these inevitable and unpredictable changes is to live mindfully in the present and when a change occurs, approach it from the viewpoint that we have a new present moment and deal directly with what comes our way.

Compassionate-Kindness in the 21st Century

//

Compassion and kindness are inextricably linked; One cannot exist alone. They are like two sides of a single coin within the currency of life.

If love can be defined as life’s economy, then compassionate kindness is the currency of such a life.

In my book, The Practical Buddhist, I have this to say about compassionate kindness:

Compassionate-kindness is a two-fold expression. Compassion is a general attitude one adopts toward all sentient beings, toward nature, even toward one’s surroundings. It is largely dependent on an internal commitment to kindness.

Kindness is the external expression of compassion. It’s a decision to extend one’s highest sense of self as we interact with those around us.

Recent experiences with compassionate-kindness

I spent this past week in Denver, Colorado on a consulting assignment for a client. I make my living as a technical proposal consultant to construction firms pursuing large infrastructructure and transportation-related projects. I arrived on Sunday evening and worked about 80 hours in five days.

The work is intense and when I travel it usually includes very long hours filled with clashing egos and decisions that can impact hundreds of millions of dollars in potential revenue. This week was no different and I worked with a team of dedicated and willing participants.

Yesterday it ended with the multi-volume proposal being published, packed in four boxes, and delivered to the owner/agency requesting the proposal. By the end of the week, I was mentally and physically exhausted. It’s par for the course in my line of work.

Reenacting ‘The Terminal’

I agreed to drop off a valued colleague at the airport well in advance of my own return flight to save him the hassle and expense of a 45-minute taxi ride. This placed me at Denver International Airport nine hours earlier than I needed to be there. I figured I needed the downtime anyway and since my plans to visit a Denver-based friend didn’t work out, the airport seemed like a good place to spend the day.

It was like a scene out of the Tom Hanks film, The Terminal. I was a foreigner in a foreign land (so to speak), trapped for nine hours in an airport I didn’t know very well.  Although I had options at my disposal, I still felt trapped, unable to adapt to my surroundings and relax. I really wanted to break out a yoga mat and stretch but I didn’t.

I overestimated how tired I was and the toll the work week had taken. I found it very difficult to relax at all. I had a couple of nice meals but in busy airport restaurants. I visited a wine bar for two glasses of a really refreshing cabernet, but even that wasn’t enough to calm the unease I felt inside.

It wasn’t until I boarded the plane back to San Jose, California that the full impact of the week hit me.  I became fidgety and felt like I had a bad case of restless leg syndrome; my left leg kept jumping and twitching. The cramped environment of the 737-700 didn’t help much.

At one point during the descent into San Jose, I became aware of a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into the face of one of the flight attendants who was obviously concerned about me.

Are you alright, Sir” she asked?

Yes, I’m fine. It’s been a really long week and I’m having trouble relaxing,” I said.

For the next few minutes, I thought about this brief exchange and how it so kind of her to express compassion for a total stranger. When we landed I made it a point to thank her for her kindness as I exited the plane onto the ramp. She reached out and grasped my arm in another supportive gesture and told me I was more than welcome.

Compassionate-kindness in action. It’s not hard to express and a little can go a long way in helping another person ease their suffering.

The ‘I’ in Team

While in Denver I also experienced the reverse of compassionate-kindness. In the working environment I mentioned earlier, there were times when not all team members worked together. To use a sports analogy, imagine what would happen if a football team showed up and half of one team decided just not to play according to the established rules?

Teams are only effective if all players agree to the same rules. The actions by such players stem from heightened identification with ego. Over-identification with a false sense of separateness (ego) creates an environment where individuals feel the need to mark their territory and erect boundaries where none should exist. Such actions are the opposite of compassionate kindness.

Getting in touch with compassionate-kindness

In my morning meditation, I take some time to cultivate compassion. I meditate on the sense of openness compassion creates and feel the warmth of that commitment spread throughout my heart-mind.

Sometimes called loving-kindness, compassionate-kindness can be the balm for the injurious nature of our self-judgments.

The practice of mindfulness brings to light many of our self-identified faults and negatives but cultivating compassionate-kindness first begins with ourselves. Adopting an attitude of compassion toward ourselves is the foundation for expressing kindness to others.

A plan for today

Here is a small action plan or recipe for cultivating compassionate-kindness. It helps me remain mindful of how important compassion is in our day-to-day life.

  • ~ First, be kind to yourself; it’s okay to be human and possess faults; you’re a work in progress
  • ~ Second, feel how good it feels to be kind to yourself; imagine how it would feel to another
  • ~ Third, make it a point to express compassionate kindness to someone today; whether it’s a family member or a total stranger, touch someone’s life in a small way today with a hand on a shoulder or even donating to the homeless person you see each day
  • ~ Fourth, rinse and repeat daily